


for all the boys i've dreamed of - jaemin

by neogotmyheart



Series: for all the boys i've dreamed of [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 03:23:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18770191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neogotmyheart/pseuds/neogotmyheart
Summary: your crush on na jaemin started the spring of sophomore year when the two of you were lab partners. would feelings reemerge after the two of you are thrown together for yet another partner project?





	for all the boys i've dreamed of - jaemin

You reached for your alarm haphazardly, hoping to turn it off while the incessant buzzing filled your bedroom. After a few tries of blindly flinging your hand in space, the noise stopped and you groaned. You hadn’t gotten the most sleep the night before, making it that much harder to get up now. White cotton surrounded you and you buried yourself deeper into the haven, waiting to meet sleep again. **  
**

“___! Wake up. Mom made pancakes and Renjun’s already here.” Jisung began knocking on the door fervently and, unfortunately for you, ceaselessly. He knew that annoyance with him would be the most effective tactic in getting you up and moving.

Covers went flying as you attempted to jump out of bed. Your youngest brother had always been faster than you, especially now that he was teetering on six feet tall. His long legs proved to be a somewhat unfair advantage. You gave up before the race even started and threw on some jeans and a sweater before putting on just enough makeup to hide the bags under your eyes.

It wasn’t uncommon for Renjun to come over early. You had been best friends since he moved next door when the two of you were five years old. Your mom considered him one of her own at this point after countless years of being glued to each other’s sides. The sight of him wasn’t any surprise until you saw an envelope poking out from underneath his plate. The small decorated corner was way too familiar to you and you attempted to repress the growing uneasiness in your stomach. Maybe, he hadn’t seen it yet. You could take it without him looking.

He turned and looked at you, a small smile gracing his lips. “I’m not surprised or anything, but you’re running a little late.”

You glanced at the clock. “Wow, would you look at that. I guess, I am. We should leave now. Thanks for breakfast, Mom!”

You ignored her protests about how you hadn’t eaten yet and watched Renjun grab the letter from under his plate. The edges on the back were slightly frayed from being previously torn open. Renjun had read the letter. He knew you once had feelings for him and there was no going back.

You climbed into his car and looked possibly everywhere, but him. The letter landed in your lap and you picked it up slowly.

“I wasn’t supposed to get that, was I?” Your best friend asked quietly.

“Renjun, I’m sorry. It’s from a long time ago and I-”

“Freshman year, right?”

“Yeah.” You were grateful that you had dated every letter.

“I knew, you know, that you had feelings for me.” He shifted the car into drive and began driving down the street that had become so familiar to the two of you.

“You did?” You weren’t exactly shy about your feelings. You often openly flirted with him, hoping to fulfill some stereotypical story of falling for your best friend.

“Yeah.” He laughed. “Because I had feelings for you, too.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I knew it would all blow over and it was more important that I keep you in my life instead of risk it all for a relationship when we were 15. It just wasn’t realistic.”

It wasn’t. You had thought the same thing causing you to even write the letter in the first place. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t be. It was one of the nicest things I’ve ever read. I hope one day I can meet a girl that looks at me like you used to. Gave me some form of standards, I guess.”

“Do you still…” You trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“No. Do you?”

“No.” You confirmed. And you really didn’t. You hadn’t since you sat in your room one night and thought about what would happen if it didn’t work out. Nothing was worth losing Renjun.

He gave an exaggerated sigh, feigning relief. “Good, because you’re kinda gross. Have you seen your room lately?”

You laughed, reaching over to slap his arm. “I’m stressed, okay!”

“Either way, I’m glad we’re still friends. I mean it.”

“I am, too. Thanks for not being dumb in 9th grade.”

“Same to you.” He offered his hand over the center console and you accepted, giving a light shake before turning your attention back to the letter in your lap. You should probably find a better tactic than letting out your feelings through love notes and then putting them in addressed envelopes. What an unnecessary and ridiculous step. It was almost as if you were asking for them to get sent out. Realization coursed through your body and you looked at Renjun.

“Did you go through my stuff?”

“No.” He snapped. “Why would you even think that?”

“How did you get this?” You were now slightly yelling, panic seeping through your voice. 

“In the mail. How else would I have gotten it?” His volume matched your own, clearly confused about how you went from a such a sweet, open conversation to a screaming match in literal seconds.

You felt like you could vomit. If Renjun received his letter through the mail, that left a very high chance of the other letters getting to their own recipients.

“Renjun, I need you to take me home.”

“What, why?”

You buried your face in your hands in order to hide the embarrassment finding its way onto your cheeks in the form of a nice deep red. “I wrote three other letters.”

“You didn’t”

“I did.” You groaned

“To who?” He pried. You were very close, but you avoided talking about people you had feelings for since the one time you did, Renjun got unreasonably protective and banned you from talking to any boy without him for three weeks straight.

“Donghyuck in the 5th grade, Jeno in the 7th, and Jaemin a year and a half ago.”

“Well, I feel significantly less special.” He teased.

“Renjun, I’m serious. I cannot go to school.”

“It won’t be that bad. The worst one will be Jaemin’s since his is the most recent but even then, it’s still a year and a half ago. Plus, it’s Na Jaemin. He wins the ‘nicest guy in all eternity’ award.”

You knew. You knew how nice he was. It was how you even developed feelings for him in the first place. He was the only one you couldn’t get over after writing the letter. You sit behind him in English and every time he smiles, your heart still skips a beat.

You rested your head on the dashboard. “Just leave me here to die.”

“You’re awfully dramatic today.”

“Renjun, put yourself in my shoes, please.”

“Okay, I would wanna die, too.” He admitted before turning to you quickly. “But! Your mom will kill me, so let’s go inside. Maybe they haven’t even gotten them.”

It was highly unlikely and the theory was proven untrue as soon as you walked in the building. Donghyuck thanked you for helping him get his psycho ex off his back by making her think he was seeing someone else. Jeno said he appreciated knowing that someone actually saw him back then. While all conversations had ended well thus far, one person was still left and it was the one you wanted to see the least.

The first couple of periods went by way too quickly. Of course, today of all days would be the one time Renjun had a club meeting during your lunch period. You wandered to your typical small table in the back and sat turned away from everyone. You ate your lunch quietly. You felt like no one ever really paid attention to you anyway, but better safe than sorry.

You looked up from your lunch after a shadow appeared over your lunch. Your gaze first found the small decorated envelope. The twist of your stomach made it incredibly hard to look up and find who exactly was holding it, even though you already knew.

“Hey, ___.” The deep voice found your ears. It took everything you had not to get up from the table, run out of the lunchroom, and never return.

Na Jaemin. The unanimously voted class president. There wasn’t a single person in the school that didn’t like him. His smile was bright and he was genuinely kind to every person he encountered. He was easily one of the most handsome boys you had ever seen and it just didn’t seem fair that he had a beautiful personality to match.

Two years ago, you had been partnered with him for a lab. It was the best and worst semester of your life. Jaemin was just as charming as everyone described him and you couldn’t help but develop a crush on the boy. Every day you had to remind yourself that despite all his kindness, this was the way he treated everyone. You were no different from anyone else in the class no matter how much you wanted to believe you were. Subtle touches and flirty comments were probably just perceived incorrectly by you and were most likely present in any of his conversations. Thus, the letter was born. You poured out all your feelings onto the page and tucked it away. It had been significantly less helpful than before, but at least your heart beat just a little less hard when you saw him the next day.

“Hey.” You forced yourself to look up at him and instantly regretted it. He showed no signs of disgust or discomfort. He even offered you a small smile that was somehow free of pity. How could he still be so kind when you had put him in such an awkward position.

“Do you mind if I take a seat?”

You nodded.

“I didn’t read it.” He admitted before sliding the letter towards you. “I kind of assumed that I wasn’t supposed to get this after I saw the Jeno had a similar one.”

“I’m so sorry.” You blurted. “This is probably so weird.”

He shrugged. “I think it’s kind of nice. I wanted to read it, but I only would if you personally handed it to me.”

“How are you not completely creeped out right now? Four guys received love letters from me on the same day.” You lowered your voice so no one could hear you. You didn’t know who all knew, but you didn’t wanna risk any more people finding out about the mishap.

“Me and Jeno are best friends. I saw his and it was dated from when we were in what, seventh grade? It’s not like they were all written the same day. People get crushes, ___.” He reassured you. “Besides, I honestly think it just inflated Jeno’s ego a little bit. I’m sure that’s exactly what the soccer captain needed.”

The two of you laughed, but it didn’t eliminate the gnawing in your gut. “You really didn’t read it?”

He reached out and flipped the letter over, revealing the seal still intact.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, “for giving this back and being cool about it.”

He gave you a small smile. “Well, I don’t want to embarrass you any more than I already might have.”

“You haven’t actually.”

“Good. That’s the last thing I wanted.”

When he walked away, you tried not to think about the class you had with him directly after this. He hadn’t made you feel uncomfortable, but you weren’t exactly just itching to be around him either. It would be hard for you to act like nothing ever happened. He didn’t read the letter, but it didn’t take a genius to understand its contents. Especially not when Jeno had opened his own letter right beside him. This was possibly the worst situation you could have ever found yourself in.

When the bell rang, you walked as slow as humanly possible to your next class. Being late really wouldn’t be all that bad if it meant you didn’t have to spend as much time near Jaemin. Unfortunately, you were not late to class and you found your seat quietly, looking up to find the boy you just finished talking to. He sat diagonally in front of you, proving to be quite the distraction.

You wrote his letter almost two years ago, you remind yourself. Today was the first time you had really talked since your lab sophomore year. The letter was supposed to help you get rid of your feelings, but for some reason, when Jaemin handed the envelope back to you today, the feelings in your words found their way back into your heart.

You had spent so much time staring into the back of Jaemin’s head, you had missed your English teacher announce a partner project. The only thing that brought you back from your daydreams was the calling of your name. The name following suit was Na Jaemin’s. Your teacher gave you a small smile and you assumed she saw your less than subtle observance of the boy in front of you. Whether or not you were originally supposed to be partners or if Ms. Kim just suddenly decided to play matchmaker was a detail you would never find out.

All you could think about at the moment was the fact that you would have to be working on an 8-week project with Jaemin after coming to the conclusion that the letter technique failed and you probably still had feelings for him.

The current thorn in your side turned and smiled a smile so genuine, your heart did a stupid little jump. “I guess it’s my lucky day, huh?”

You wished you could say the same. Other girls would be clawing to be matched up with Jaemin even once, and here you sat as his partner for the second time in your high school career. You gave him a subtle nod in acknowledgment and attempted to give him a smile, knowing it probably looked strained.

The class carried on after the announcement with little to no attention from you. You should have just gone home. This day was proving to be an absolute disaster, regardless of the way that Jaemin was treating you.

Once the bell rang, Jaemin came up to your desk. “I think I still have your number. Do you just want me to text you make plans after school today?” He looked at the paper given to him by your teacher. “Looks like we got assigned Dante’s Inferno.”

“Do you think that one will be easy?”

He huffed. “Probably easier than Beowulf.”

“Um, this is going to sound bad, but what exactly is the assignment?”

He laughed lightly and the sound radiated through your body. “I guess it’s been a weird day for you, huh? Basically, we got assigned a book from classic literature and we have to come up with a comprehensive project. She mentioned a bunch of different stuff so we’ll probably have to look at it together and pick which one to do.”

“That sounds best.” You hoped there would be some form of a visual project. You weren’t exactly fond writing or summarizing but you were willing to draw scene after scene if need be.

“If you want, you could come over Saturday and we could talk about it and start working on it? I like to get things done early.”

“Does Mr. President not have a weekend packed with plans?” You allowed a teasing tone to slip into your voice. 

You forgot just how easy it was to talk to Jaemin. You had gotten along so well as partners sophomore year and you found it weird that you never talked afterward. You could have reached out on your own, but you were scared of encouraging feelings that you were having a hard enough time warding away.

“Not really, no. Jeno has a soccer tournament all weekend and Hyuck has planning for the upcoming play. He said something about picking the musical.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

You thought he would have some party to go to or a different group of friends he hung out with, but it seemed Na Jaemin stayed consistent with his inner circle. You appreciated that about him seeing as you were the same way. Your weekends were spent with Renjun or your brothers and that was about it.

“Hey, you don’t think anyone knows about the letters do you?”

“I really doubt it.” He reassured you, adjusting his backpack straps on his shoulders.

“Sorry, I’m probably being so annoying about it.”

“I would be the same way. Probably worse, honestly. Don’t worry about it.”

You nodded and continued walking with him as he rattled off about his day. His deep voice provided comfort and grounded you while it felt like your world was crumbling around you. You could admit that you were being the slightest bit dramatic when all the boys had been so sweet about the situation, but it didn’t change the fact that those letters were never supposed to get out in the first place.

“Hey, I have to go to a student council meeting, but I’ll text you about meeting for our project, okay?” He smiled at you warmly and you desperately tried to ignore the pounding of your heart.

“Yeah, that sounds good. See you later.” Just one day. That was all it took for Jaemin to have you back around his finger. You tried to tell yourself that this would have happened regardless of the letters because you’re partners for a project. These feelings were unavoidable no matter how you looked at it means you just had to accept it. You mentally prepared yourself for the weeks ahead.

You made your way through the parking lot to Renjun’s car, hearing his music blasting before even reaching the door.

Climbing into the car, you immediately reached to turn down the volume. “You’re going to ruin your ears.”

“Good.” He joked. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Awful.” You sighed, putting your head against the window. 

Renjun smirked at you, amused by your dramatics. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“I’m partnered with Jaemin again.”

He pulled out of his spot before exiting the parking lot. “Why’s that a bad thing? He’s smart and he’s nice.”

“Because.” You didn’t feel like elaborating too much. Your feelings had already been laid out for all to see so you would like to avoid sharing even more.

“You still have feelings for him, don’t you?” Renjun pried.

“Maybe.” You admitted. “I don’t know.”

“You do. But it’s fine. You can use this time to butter him up instead of writing a letter and falling off the face of the earth again.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You had hardly stopped communication. It was more so that you just lost touch. You were lab partners and that was it. After lab was over, the two of you didn’t really have a reason to talk anymore.

“I’m friends with him. He asks how you are all the time and I always tell him to ask you.”

“He never does.” You mumbled. He probably just asked about you to make polite conversation.

Renjun laughed. “Yeah, because he thinks you hate him or something. Seriously, ___. If you like the guy, at least be nice to him.”

“I am nice to him.” You defend yourself. You were nice today. A little awkward, but you were nice.

Renjun shook his head. “Look, all I’m saying is maybe this is your second chance. If you still like him, let fate do you this small favor.”

* * *

Friday night you received a text from inviting you over Saturday to start working on your project. Renjun raised his eyebrow at you while you frantically tried to think of a response.

“Just say ‘okay’,” Renjun suggested hands making a small rainbow with his hand gestures, obviously enjoying the observance of your mental battle.

You buried your head into the nearest pillow and groaned. “It’s not that easy.”  
“If it isn’t then why did it take me two seconds to do it?”

You lifted your head to find Renjun attempting to hand your phone back to you. You snatched the device from his hands before curling back up into a ball in your corner of the couch. How in the world were you going to be able to work on the project if you couldn’t even answer a text? The disappointment you felt in yourself was almost overwhelming.

“So what are you gonna do?” 

“Figure out which project we wanna do and start reading.” You shrugged, taking the bowl of popcorn from him.

“You couldn’t have done that over the phone?”

“I mean I guess so, but we wanted to start working right away.”

“Reading is kind of an individual activity, but okay.” Renjun rolled his eyes, obviously not buying whatever you were telling him.

“Look, I don’t know what we’re doing. I’m just going over there because he asked me. Can you stop interrogating me?” Sighing in exasperation, you kicked him to emphasize your annoyance.

“Just think it’s interesting how eager Jaemin is to get started on a project you have eight weeks to do.”

“He likes to get stuff done early.” Jaemin was involved in so many things, he couldn’t afford to put anything off until the last minute. People like him were the reason you even had eight weeks to do such a simple project.

“Then I expect the project to be done pretty quickly then.”

You let out a puff of air, curling back into your corner of the couch and turning your attention to the movie instead of your nuisance of a best friend.

He attempted to reach over you and grab some popcorn but you slapped his hand away. “Nope. No popcorn for you. You’re being mean.”

“I’m not being mean. I’m just saying, I’ll bet the project isn’t done in three weeks.” Renjun smirked at you mischievously.

You knew by now to never agree to a bet with him without learning the extent of what it included. “What are we betting?”

“If it takes the whole eight weeks to do the project, you have to give him the letter you wrote.”

“What? No!” You looked at him, shocked. It was a miracle he didn’t read it to begin with and now Renjun wanted you to give it back?

“Listen, if you’re starting now and if it’s not even close to being finished around the halfway point, it’s because he likes you and I would be doing you a favor by making you admit you have feelings for him by the end of the whole thing.” Renun was still smiling, proud of the plan he has constructed.

“I cannot believe you. Jaemin doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“Then the project will be over before you know it and you can keep your letter.”

Your pride finally overwhelmed you and your constant need to be right forced you to agree without another thought. “Okay, fine. But if this bites me in the butt, you can expect a swift beating.”

“Sure.” Renjun laughed before finally succeeding in stealing the popcorn from you.

Saturday morning came much too fast and you left Renjun asleep on the couch to make your way to Jaemin’s house. You hesitantly climbed into your car and took a few deep breaths before pulling out of the driveway. It was fine. You would be fine. You just had to work with one of the most beautiful boys you had ever seen and be alone with him all day. This was the dream case scenario for most girls. Why your mouth was dry and you could no longer breathe was annoying and unfortunately, out of your control.

You slowly approached his door, checking your phone to make sure that you weren’t too early. You were disappointed to find that it was only two minutes before you were supposed to be meeting. Hiding in your car for twenty minutes wasn’t an option. Taking a deep breath, you knocked slowly on the door.

Just a few seconds later, Jaemin answered with his hair slightly damp in a simple t-shirt and jeans. “Hey! Thanks for coming over this morning.”

“Yeah, of course. Better to get started sooner than later, right?”

“Something like that.” He chuckled softly as he led you upstairs. “I have all the stuff laid out in my room. We can look over a few of the examples Ms. Kim gave us.”

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying attention. We could have been starting already.”

“No, seriously. It’s okay. I didn’t know which one I wanted to do anyway.”

“Sure. I feel like you know exactly what you want to do and you’re just being nice.”

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t just make you do a project you don’t want to do.”  
Jaemin walked into his room and picked up the packet of project options before handing it to you. “I starred the ones that I’m interested in, but if you see something else, let me know.”

You flipped through the pages, noticing that he had circled all of the writing based ones and put slashes through the numbers that were art based. This was going to be a slight issue. You could write, but your strengths definitely lay elsewhere. Your eyes found an “other” option and were able to come to what you hoped would be an effective compromise.

“What if we did a graphic novel?”

“Was that an option?”

“Well, it falls under ‘other’.” You showed it to him. “You obviously prefer the writing projects and I wanted a more artistic one so what if we just combined them. I could draw the pictures and you could do all the dialogue.”

“That wouldn’t be too much work for you?” Jaemin asked, obviously concerned about equally distributing the workload.

“Not at all. We don’t have to do every single scene.”

“You’re right. We’ll probably be the only ones doing this so we’ll stand out, too.”

“The star student can have the best project.” You teased him. “The world is at peace.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m the star student.”

You looked at him, unconvinced. He was top of the class, student body president, and founder of the environmental club. The teachers loved Na Jaemin and everyone knew it.

“Okay, maybe I am.”

“I’m glad you can admit it.” You reached out, patting his shoulder.

You read the first chapter together and decided to work as you read so that the details you just read wouldn’t get lost amongst other chapters. Staring at the paper in front of you, you twirled your pencil trying to figure out how you were even supposed to draw what the book was talking about. You severely underestimated the details that would have to go into the scenery in order to properly display the environment of the book.

You looked up after hearing Jaemin huff just to find him smiling at you.

“What? Did I draw on my face or something?”

“No. You’re just concentrating really hard. It’s cute.”

Your mouth fell open slightly. Unsure of what to say in response, you said nothing turning your attention back to the pages of the book. Jaemin’s comment echoed around in your brain, making it almost impossible to comprehend the 14th-century language. How could such a small comment set your cheeks ablaze?

“Hey, it’s getting kinda late. Do you wanna go grab lunch? We can come back and keep working but there’s only so much analyzing I can do of hell before I start to get bored.”

You nodded. “I feel like hell should be a more straightforward concept. You were a bad person so you get eternal flames as punishment.”

“No, no, it wouldn’t be hell unless you had a specific punishment to fit your crimes. Also, make sure it only targets one of the many sins we commit as humans.”

“You’re very right. I personally only ever struggle with sloth and nothing else. I am absolutely flawless aside from the fact that I hate doing school work.”

“That’s going to send you to hell, ___. Just know that.” Jaemin stood up, extending his hand to help you off the floor. “You know we could have gotten assigned a worse book.”

“Like what?” Beowulf would have been your worst nightmare just because of how boring it sounds, but half the books on that list weren’t really that bad.

“Romeo and Juliet.” He huffed. “I hate that play.”

“How could you hate one of the greatest love stories of our time?” You teased. There was actually a lot to hate. A finicky male lead and a dramatic female that fall in love after one small conversation and end up killing themselves for each other. Regardless of your personal opinion, you wanted to hear just what had Jaemin so passionate about the famous play.

Jaemin stopped directly in front of the stairs, turning to face you. “No. It’s one of the greatest parables for the importance of proper communication.” He corrected you. “Really their whole situation could have been avoided if Juliet would have just said she wasn’t actually dead.”

“But they were star-crossed lovers. Doomed from the beginning. And also like… 14 years old.”

“Why is that such a coveted trope?” He mused as he began walking down the stairs.

You followed behind him. “What? The ‘I can’t have you so now I want you more’?”

“Yeah. It just… I don’t know. Pick something you can have.”

“The heart wants what it wants, Na Jaemin.” You should know that better than anyone. After he practically made it clear last year that he wasn’t interested in you, you still pined over him. Maybe you needed to learn how to take rejection.

Jaemin led the way outside, jingling his car keys in his hand. “My heart wants to find love that won’t kill me because her family hates my family.”  
“I feel like that’s a reasonable and very attainable standard to have.”

“It is now. We don’t live in 16th century Europe.” He opened the car door for you before walking over to his side and climbing into the driver’s seat.

You ignored the way your heart skipped at the small gesture and made your best attempt at continuing the conversation. “And for that, we should be thankful. Also, can we get burgers?”

“Burgers? That was a quick subject change. You must be hungry.” He laughed. “I know a diner close by. My family used to go all the time before my parents started getting busy with work. They have pretty good anything.”

The drive was filled with Jaemin talking about the upcoming events for the environmental club. He planned on setting up a whole week for global awareness and how to be more environmentally conscious. You had never been the biggest tree hugger, but hearing him talk with such passion was enough to convince you to move out to the middle of the woods and only rely on natural resources for the rest of your life.

He pulled into a parking spot in front of a small diner before turning to you. “Now, here’s the thing. The people who work here know me a little bit too well and will do everything in their power to embarrass me. Please do me a favor and ignore them.”

“I finally get to hear about you and you want me to ignore it?”

“You don’t hear about me?”

“I do but it’s like this weird, glorified version of you that makes you seem like a mythical creature, not a teenage boy.” Jaemin almost had a fan club instead of friends and it was such a weird phenomenon to you. While you had been able to get to know him as a person and could confirm that he was wonderful as people described, it just seemed weird that people created this air of untouchability around the boy.

“People talk about me that way?” How could be so unaware of the way people talked about him and treated him? He had to hear about it from someone.

You shook your head, laughing lightly. “You really are oblivious.”

“I don’t do anything.”

“Jaemin you do everything. Plus the majority of the girls in our school are in love with you.”

His brows furrowed. “Weird. That’s really nice. I guess I just don’t see myself as that special.”

You wanted to shake him and tell him just how special he was. He was kind, smart, passionate, and hard working. He was handsome, yes but the majority of it was a reflection of how beautiful of a soul he had on the inside. Even though you never really got to see him outside of school projects, Jaemin was so genuine and warm that you felt at home with him after just one time talking to him again.

“Don’t sell yourself short.” It was all you could bring yourself to say.

He nodded. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t see your parents when we left, I meant to tell them hello.”

“Oh.” Jaemin sighed, turning the car off an opening the door. “They work weekends.”

“That must get tiring.”

“They work all the time. I’m sure they’ve grown used to it.” He led you inside the small diner and you got a chance to look around. It had the stereotypical 50s decor but not in a way that felt forced or cliche. Everything felt very authentic and homey. Jaemin chose a booth in the far corner, sliding in while you sat across from him.

“Does that mean you’re home alone a lot?”

“Yeah, but it’s been like this for a while. I can cook and clean so it’s not like I’m just completely useless. It does get lonely every now and then but at least for the next few weeks you can come over and work on the project.”

“I thought you said you had Jeno and Hyuck?”

“It’s training season for soccer so Jeno is busy most days. Hyuck is busy preparing the winter play and trying to get everything together for that. Once rehearsals start, I might as well lose his number.” Jaemin flipped through the menu even though the way he described the place to you earlier made you think he already had it memorized.

“You could always hang out with me and Renjun.” You offered. “He likes you.”

“I didn’t know if you would want me there or not. You and Renjun have always kind of been just you and Renjun.” There was some truth to his words. The two of you had other acquaintances but nothing came close to the bond you had with each other. You guess you could see how it could be slightly intimidating to try and infiltrate a group of only two. That didn’t change the fact that Jaemin thought the issue was with you wanting him to be there.

“Why wouldn’t I want you around?”

“We just haven’t talked since lab that one year. I don’t know.” He closed the menu before propping his elbows on the table. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want you to feel bad for me.”

“I don’t feel bad for you. Trust me, I am a firm believer in quality over quantity. I just hate that your two friends are so busy right now.”

“I’ll survive. Don’t worry about me.” Jaemin gave you a smile. “It’s like this every year. How else could I have so much free time for these clubs?”

You looked at the boy across from you before resorting to opening your own menu. It was hard for you to comprehend Jaemin having so few friends he enjoyed spending time with. With the way he socialized at school, you figured his social calendar was beyond full. He had mentioned his lack of plans when you first got paired together but you thought that maybe this weekend was just a fluke.

“How about this. I come over on Saturdays to work on our project. We get lunch and hang out for a bit and then we work for a little bit.”

“___, are you turning me into a charity case?” Jaemin teased.

You shook your head. “I think we’ve had a good time so far. Plus, how boring would it be to work all day every Saturday.”

“What about after the project is over?” He asked and you didn’t understand the question. When the project was over that meant you didn’t have to do stupid homework on the weekends anymore.

“What do you mean?”

“We won’t have anything to work on.”

“We have to have something to work on in order to hang out? Am I that bad of company?”

Jaemin chuckled shaking his head. “No. I just meant you wouldn’t have a reason to come over anymore.”

“Being friends is a reason.”

He looked at you, smiling. “I guess you’re right.”

“I know I’m right. You don’t have to tell me, but I do like to hear it.”

It was then that a waitress chose to walk up and take your order. She chatted with Jaemin for a short moment, questioning him about the girl he brought along. She didn’t seem satisfied with the answer of friends, but she eventually accepted it anyway. She took your order before handing you a couple of waters and leaving the two of you alone again.

“You didn’t witness an interrogation with my mom so I hope you accept Sue as a replacement.”

“She seems lovely.” You smiled at him. The natural teasing nature between the two of them almost made them seem related. It was cute to witness the exchange.

“She’s been like another mom to me for years now. I come here after school a lot of days to do my homework and she keeps me fed.”

You looked around the small diner. It wasn’t too busy but it wasn’t the first place you would have thought of for a study hideout. Maybe that was the point. “You do your homework here?”

“Of course. Reading is ten times easier when you have a plate of chicken fingers in front of you.” 

You laughed.

“You could always come with me. If you ever felt like it, I mean.”

That invitation was how you found yourself sitting next to Jaemin a couple times a week at the old rusty diner bar. Your elbows occasionally bumping as you filled out various worksheets. It wasn’t long until you were sharing headphones and showing each other various songs you liked that you thought might appeal to the other. Sue had developed quite a liking to you as well and didn’t mind providing the two of you with a plate of chicken strips large enough to share.

Between your time at the diner and his house on the weekends, you learned more about just how Jaemin was able to get everything done in such a timely manner. It was easy to work when you came home to an empty house and all your friends would be at practice until late at night. You felt bad for the boy but he made it a point to always remind you not to. He appreciated the time he spent with you and he never once wanted you to feel like you had to be there. When you were finished with the homework at the diner, he would consistently look at you as if waiting for you to get up and leave considering that to him you had no reason to stay. For you, his presence was all you needed to stay in the poorly lit eatery surrounded by a few straggling old couples at seven o’clock on a Wednesday. As far as you were concerned, the most important thing you could be doing is sitting on the squeaky barstool while he told stories about what he and Jeno had done on his best friend’s single free day.

Jaemin finished Dante’s Inferno long before you did but chose to reread it with you every Saturday anyway, loving your comments on the harsh punishments of each different ring of hell. You also had a few discussions on whether or not certain sins really did deserve a harsher punishment than others. However, you were noticing that every Saturday, you were spending more and more time laying around the floor of his room talking than actually working on the project. Knowing you still had a few weeks until the project was due, you pushed the worry to the back of your brain. The book was half finished and so was the project you were working on. You just had to finish the project about a week before the due date to avoid giving Jaemin the letter.

When you laid on his floor, you tried your hardest not to notice the way his eyes lit up when he told a terrible joke. You ignored the way his laugh sounded in your ear when he laughed at one of your various comments. You pressed down the ever-growing butterflies every time his hand brushed yours to take the paper you had just finished drawing on. You attempted to tame your racing heart when he would compliment your work. Each week, things got harder and you thought that maybe, confessing wouldn’t be that bad.

* * *

You sat at your kitchen bar one night piecing together the project that you had created so far when you felt someone peering over your shoulder.

“Done already?” Renjun asked.

You shook your head. “About halfway. I’m just organizing what we have right now.”

“Halfway at the halfway mark, huh?”

You rolled your eyes. “I know what you’re thinking, but this project is a lot of work.”

“I believe you.” He said but his tone said the opposite.

You turned in your chair. “What is it?”

“You’re just hanging out with Jaemin a lot and most of the time it isn’t for the project.” He moved to sit down next to you, grabbing one of the cookies your mom made off a plate.

“We’ve become pretty good friends.” You commented, hands sliding over the pages the two of you had been working on.

“Yes, friends.”

“Just because I like him, doesn’t mean he likes me. Me and you hang out all the time and there’s nothing between us.” You reminded him but Renjun still didn’t seem to be buying any of it.

“I think our situation is a little different. Kind of hard to have a crush on someone you’ve seen pee their pants.” You shoved him and he wobbled in the chair.

“We were five and the teacher told me I wasn’t allowed to go!”

Renjun laughed at you. “Okay, but seriously. I hate sitting here watching you both pine over each other.”

“Did he say something to you?” You asked him, voice a little more frantic than you would have hoped.

He took a bite out of his cookie. “Nope. But anyone with two eyes can tell. Well, I guess except for the two of you. Seriously, all the girls hate you.”

“It’s not like that.”

“You can keep saying that, but it doesn’t change the bet.”

* * *

You sat in the middle of Jaemin’s floor, attempting to draw whatever circle of hell you were supposed to be on while Jaemin sat next toy ou, translating the old English into something more likely to be said today.

“Can I ask you something?” He twirled the pencil between his fingers, eyes focused on the notebook below him.

“Yeah, of course.” You wondered if it was about the current scene the two of you were working on with how intently his eyes traced over the page, gaze following every line of your drawing.

“When did you write that letter?”

It wasn’t even close to the question you were expecting and now you found that you were at an utter loss for words. “Oh, um.”

“You know what? I’m sorry. It was rude of me to ask. You don’t have to answer.” He turned his attention back to the paper beneath him, brows furrowed.

“Spring of our sophomore year.” 

“Then why did you stop talking to me after we got out for the summer?” The last day of your sophomore year came before you were ready. The frustrated hours bending over various test tubes and chemical concoctions was drawn to a close and your daily meetings with Jaemin were over. You saw it as a chance to get some distance from the boy who still had a hold of your heart. You needed the break. Weeks passed without hearing from him, confirming your suspicions. You were just a lab partner that he was nice to because he was nice to everyone. All that time together resulted in no extra communication and it was a constant reminder that to Jaemin, you were no different than anyone else.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

He sighed. “___, I stopped talking to you because I kept flirting with you and you kept brushing it off. I thought maybe I was making you uncomfortable.”

“I thought that was how you treated everyone.” You had never thought that he was being flirty. He was nice to you and sometimes you bumped hands when sitting in lab together, but you brushed that off as an accident because of the lack of space in the work area. 

“I try to be nice to people, yeah, but I don’t get touchy with everyone. Or constantly compliment every single thing they do.”

“You weren’t seriously interested in me.”

“I really was. Why is that such a surprise to you?”

“Because I don’t know.” Disbelief still clouded your brain as you shook your head, laughing lightly. No one really talked to you in school. It wasn’t so much so that no one talked to you and more that you didn’t talk to anyone. Middle school and the beginning of high school was filled with friends that brought nothing but stress and heartache, leaving you to isolate yourself and be friends with the only person you had always trusted. “You could have anyone else.”

“But anyone else wouldn’t be you.” The sincerity in his voice pulled hard on your heart. He looked at you, waiting patiently for any type of response.

“Jaemin, seriously.” You pleaded with him, giving him a way out if he didn’t actually mean what he was saying.

“I’m being serious, ___. I had feelings for you then and I have feelings for you now.” Your heart stopped at his confession. You had spent weeks entertaining the idea but you didn’t think that it was possible for it to actually become a reality.

He moved closer to you, reaching for your hand. “Do you still like me?”

“Yes.” You admitted quietly, scared of the single word that left your mouth.

“Then let me kiss you?”

You nodded slowly, unsure of if this was actually happening or not. Your ever-growing crush on Jaemin had been going on for far too long and now here he was telling you he felt the same way the whole time.

As he pressed his lips to yours, you waited for the fireworks and the burning excitement to overtake you as you got caught up in the moment of finally kissing him. Instead, you felt comfortable and at ease, like puzzle pieces were falling into their designated place all around you and that was better than you had ever expected. Everything about the boy was soft and kind, including the way he kissed you. Nothing was rushed, but instead, his lips moved against yours in a way that made it seem like if he pushed just a little bit harder, you would slip away from him.

Jaemin’s gentle hand found the back of your neck, encouraging you to inch closer to him. His pace was achingly slow, but you allowed him to take his time as you came to the realization of what was happening. Your hands found his t-shirt, gripping it in the balls of your fist by his waist in a very weak attempt to keep you grounded in the moment. Jaemin broke away, pressing one last kiss to your lips before meeting your eyes.

“I wish you would have given me the letter when you wrote it.” He said quietly.

“Me, too.” It was the truth. You never wanted to give it to him, but now you know that maybe it wouldn’t have turned out so bad. “Maybe I can still give it to you.”

“You don’t have to.” He brushed a hair out of your face before leaning in to kiss your nose.

“I think I want to.”

“How about you think about it and if you still want to give it to me, I’ll happily read it.”

“Okay.”

Jaemin leaned back, picking up his notebook again. “Now, we still have to work on this project. It’s due in two weeks and we still have quite a bit left.”

The past six weeks had consisted of you working on the project less and less while you chose to spend more time hanging out and lounging around. You had reached the point where if you didn’t start seriously working now, you would be turning in an incomplete project.

“Hey. I’ve drawn like,” you scattered through the various loose-leaf pages, looking for proof of your work, “four scenes since the last time.”

“It’s more than me and yours takes longer. I guess I’ll cut you some slack.” He sent you a sly smirk as he leaned back over his notebook.

“We don’t have to do the whole project together. I could do some of this at home.”

“It’s an excuse to see you.”

“I hardly think you need an excuse to see me. Plus, I haven’t been going to the diner for the prime study location.”

“Oh, so you have a better place to study?”

“I do, but none of them have you. Maybe that’s part of the reason they would be better study spots.”

“Are you accusing me of being a distraction?” He teased.

You laughed. “You are the biggest distraction so don’t try and act like you aren’t.”

He smiled at you and your breath still caught in your throat and your chest got tight when he leaned in again, catching his lips with yours momentarily.

“I feel like you’re proving my point.” You whispered.

“You’re a distraction for me, too. Have been since the first day of lab so the blame isn’t entirely on me.” He kissed you again. “Okay, work. For real this time. The sooner this gets done, the sooner I can just hang out with you.”

* * *

You came home that night to find Renjun already sitting on the couch. He flipped through various channels on your TV, probably looking to fill his time waiting for you. He looked at you before sighing dramatically. “___, do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?”

“You probably just got here considering I told you I would be home at 8 and it is,” you checked your phone before showing it to him. “8:03.”

“Were you with Jaemin that whole time?”

“Yeah, why?” You tried to repress the growing smile on your face. You didn’t want to be blatantly obvious about how the day went. Regardless of your excitement, you didn’t want to give Renjun the satisfaction of being right.

“You go over there at noon.”

“I know.”

“I swear if you don’t just tell him you like him I-”

You interrupted him. “I already did.”

“You did.” Renjun stared at you in disbelief.

“Well, technically he told me.” The smile you were trying to hold back now expanded across your face.

Renjun gave you a smile that matched your own. “There’s hope for the two of you after all.”

Your two brothers poked their heads around the corner looking at you. Jisung spoke first. “So you and Jaemin, huh?”

“I guess so. Please don’t be weird.” You pleaded with them. 

“No. We won’t be weird. We just hope that since this went so well for you, you could find just an ounce of forgiveness in your heart.” Chenle stayed a reasonable distance away from you making your fear just what they might be responsible for.

You looked at them and waited for them to continue while they looked at each other. Jisung finally spoke up, voice barely audible. “We were the ones who sent the letters.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you right.”

“I think they said they were the ones that sent the letters,” Renjun said before reaching out to grab your arm, stopping you mid-lunge.

You looked at the two younger boys in front of you. “You do know that everyone except Jaemin opened their letters, right?”

“Wait, Jaemin didn’t read his?” Jisung asked, eyes growing wide.

“No. He brought it back. So, if you’re looking for a thank you, you won’t be getting one.”

“I, personally, was just looking to live another day,” Chenle mumbled.

You sighed. “This day has been too good to let you two ruin it, so I’ll let it go. But, don’t ever go through my stuff again. I’m serious.”

They both nodded before running up the stairs. You dropped down over the back of the couch, laying upside down. “You know, I should have known it was them.”

“I think you were too worried about the letters themselves to think about how they got out.” Renjun poked your side causing you to flinch.

You nodded. “Well, who cares. I have a date with Jaemin next Saturday.”

“As if you haven’t been going on dates three times a week already.”

“We were studying. This is going to be different.”

“I’m happy for you, ___. I really am.” Renjun said, tone sincere and without any sign of a teasing joke to follow.

* * *

After that weekend, Jaemin slowly worked his way into your regular routine. You continued to do homework with him at the diner during the week while he occasionally tagged along when you had Renjun were having one of your movie nights. He would go and cheer on your brothers at their soccer games and even help your mom cook dinner afterwards. Your parents loved him and though he never liked to admit it, it was nice to be able to spend time with yours since his seemed to be greatly distracted.

You sat across from him one night, letter behind your back. Ever since the first night he confessed to you, you had every intention of giving it to him. Now, you were without a doubt in love with him and while the old words probably paled in comparison to your feelings now, it was still something that you wanted him to have. Jaemin surprised you with a letter of his own followed by a simple yet beautiful “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> this will be the first part of a mini series! all the parts are unrelated and unconnected but are all inspired by to all the boys i've loved before! i hope you like it!!


End file.
